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This year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {